ACHTUNG BAYLEAF

PARODY OF ACHTUNG BABY

FOOD STATION

EVEN BUTTER THAN THE REAL THING™

WEAN

UNTIL THE END OF THE HURLS

WHO’S GONNA TRY YOUR ‘MILD’ SAUCES

COLD GRUEL

THE FRY

MYSTERIOUS GLAZE

TRYIN’ OUT LUCKY CHARMS

AND FOUND YOU’VE HURLED

ULTRADIET (LIGHTEN MY WEIGHT)

MICROWAVE

LUNCH IS MINDLESS

NOVEMBER 1991

FOOD STATION

PARODY OF ZOO STATION

I’m hungry

I’m hungry so let’s stop for gas

I’m hungry

I’m hungry for Tex-Mex

I’m hungry as f*ck

I’m hungry as sin

I’m hungry enough

I’d settle for Mexican

I’m hungry

So hungry I could eat a horse

The food is in sight

I want something with cheese

Then we’ll be hauling ass

With french fries between my knees

Just down the road

Food Station

Might as well drop a load

Food Station

I’m hungry

I’m hungry for a McGriddle

I’m hungry

I’m hungry for some meat

I’m hungry for a combo

Hungry for a meal

Hungry enough

To eat behind the wheel

I’m hungry

Let’s head for that concourse

It’s just down the road

Food Station

Might as well drop a load

Food Station

I’ll buy

Hey, I’ll buy

Man, I said I’ll buy!

Alright...

You can drive on up!

Drive-thru is a pain

But at least it’s quite fast

Better than standing at the counter

Watchin’ them teens

Just pickin’ their ass

Then we’re back on the road

With our lunch

Food Station

Hey, man!

I can see the sign!

Food Station

We can make up the time

Plenty of time for

Food Station

Yep, I’ll buy!

Food Station

Just two stops down the road!

Food Station

Just a stop down the road!

TRACK 1

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

EVEN BUTTER

THAN

THE REAL THING™

PARODY OF EVEN BETTER THAN THE REAL THING

Give it one more chance

And you'll eat satisfied

Give it two more chances

Use won’t be decried

Well, it’s heart-friendly

It’s always been

Just spread it on fare like saltines

Give it one more chance

Let this ‘butter’ over tonight

Use the real thing

Yeah...the real thing

Use the real thing

Even Butter Than The Real Thing™

Give it one last chance

And it’s gonna make food sing

Give it half a chance

To ride on the raves that it’ll bring

Lowered degree, child

To get heart disease

Gonna go right on bread

Like a breeze

Give it one last glance

It’ll glide

Down the surface of things

Use the real thing

Yeah...the real thing

Use the real thing

Even Butter Than The Real Thing™

We’re free to try

With coupon buy

The one we’ll melt on wings tonight

Oh, wow!

Here try some!

n-3 higher!

Omega-3 higher!

Use the real thing

Yeah...the real thing

Use the real thing

Even Butter Than The Real Thing™

TRACK 2

SINGLE RELEASED JUNE 1992

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

WEAN

PARODY OF ONE

Are they getting bigger

Or do they seem the same?

Will it make it easier with food

And there's not some boob to maim?

You say...

Wean lunch

Wean strife

When we wean

Need do it right

Wean lunch

We get to dare it

Grieves our baby

If he don't care for it

Did we disappoint him?

We're heaving more paste in his mouth!

He acts like he's never had lunch

But breast milk he'll do without

Well, it's to sate

Tonight

To drag a boob out

Into the light

We wean

But we've got no game

We'd better mammary on, mother

Mammary on, mother

Wean

Have we come here to mean business?

Have we come here to phase out instead?

Have we come here to save your bust

From the lapper you've breastfed?

Did we ask too much?

Swore up a lot?!

We braved our offspring

But it's all for naught

We wean

But we've got no game

Well, his shirt is smothered

And we try it again

Eyes say:

Lunch was so simple

Lunch's inside a bra

Eyes say:

Lunch was so simple

Lunch's inside a bra

Your rack is real tender

And your boobs to be mothballed

But he can't be holding out

To what you got

When all he does is burp

Wean lunch

Wean food

Wean, wife

Ya gotta do what ya could

Wean strife with each mother

Blisters...bother!

Wean strife

But he's not real game

We'd better mammary on, mother

Mammary on, mother

Wean

TRACK 3

SINGLE RELEASED FEBRUARY 1992

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

UNTIL THE END

OF THE HURLS

PARODY OF UNTIL THE END OF THE WORLD

Haven't seen spew

On white argyle

In my rounds I’m told

You’re passing grime

Last time we met was an Admit room

You were morose with fever

As you bide your doom

Your weight is good

Eyes sank but fine

Everybody heaving

It’s Flu Time

Except you...

You were talking

About the end of the hurls

Nose looks bit runny

Temp’s spiked, face pink

You’re stressed too much these days

And you cropped out Zinc

You plead me on

With those liquescent eyes

You know I love the sentiment

To survive

Beg your pardon?

I was weighing your chart

Checklist your drips

And poked your heart

You...

You were acting

Like it was the end of the hurls

In my team

I was crowding my non-pros

But my non-pros

They’ve learned Prelim

Expounding me

Throwing maladies

Thrilling but overly grim

Waves of vomit

Waves of ploys

I reached a conclusion

And anti-emetic employ

You...

You’re said to take

Til the end of the hurls

TRACK 4

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

WHO’S GONNA

TRY YOUR

‘MILD’ SAUCES

PARODY OF WHO’S GONNA RIDE

YOUR WILD HORSES

They’re dangerous

Let’s be honest

‘They’re dangerous!’

It should read in a large font

Well, one left my mouth

Burning Hiroshima hot

Stuff that no one should want

Hey, hey...hot, hot, hot!

Hey, hey...

A nuclear accident waiting to happen

A bomb test straight out of Bikini Beach

Well, you put in things I know it’s illegal to

I fear that my breathing will cease

Hey, hey...hot, hot, hot!

Who’s gonna try your ‘mild’ sauces?

Who’s gonna survive your ‘light’ chili?

Who’s gonna try your ‘mild’ sauces?

Who’s gonna fall down on their knees?

Well, you made it cuz you’re truly an ass

And you filled it so that one must wear Depends

Well, you tried killing me

But I guess I asked for it

Maybe we shouldn’t be friends

Hey, hey...hot, hot, hot!

Who’s gonna try your ‘mild’ sauces?

Who’s gonna survive your ‘light’ chili?

Who’s gonna try your ‘mild’ sauces?

Who’s gonna fall down on their knees?

Oh, the hotness sinks in

Oh, the angush begins

It’s like acid on skin

Cooked alive in burning pain

Beyond taste where the tongue is in flames

Gimme ice to freeze the river of lava

Pouring through me

Habaneros

Even stripped

Those have got me choking

Ripping my clothes

A burn profound

A burn profound again

A burn profound

It’s off the charts

A burn profound

A burn profound again

A burn profound

A heart attack

Come on now, man

Don’t you serve that!!!

Who’s gonna try your ‘mild’ sauces?

Who’s gonna survive your ‘light’ chili?

Who’s gonna try your ‘mild’ sauces?

Who’s gonna have a heart that’s seized?

Who’s gonna try your ‘mild’ sauces?

Who’s gonna burst in flames, you’ll see...

TRACK 5

SINGLE RELEASED OCTOBER 1992

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

COLD GRUEL

PARODY OF SO CRUEL

We stand in line

Food rush’s not over

Is this gross matter some stool?

This matter ain’t meat!

I get short shrift

Something’s floating

No use haranguing on

I watch it just drown

My lunch

They’ve engineered this goop

They’ve engineered this ‘meat’

And despite everything

I’m never daunted

Why am I undaunted?

The things they serve you

A plate of ‘roast’?

Light passes through it

And it’s gross

They’ve cooked this food

But they’ve spit in this, I swear

Maybe I don’t care

For lunch

You pay for lunch

Served by this school

For lunch:

“Meat” parts

And cold gruel

Allegations of rendered crap

Don’t bet on the key lime

These chicken strips or fish & chips

Just props of lies

Pudding on sale

What’s it made of?!

Ice cream

With flavour it’s devoid of

And sheet cake that looks

Filled with bugs

For lunch

You pay for lunch

Served by this school

For lunch:

“Meat” parts

And cold gruel

The fares for lunch

Cause gastric distress

Once lips touch something

Bowel movements quickly felt

For lunch all us teens devour

Lunch...

Lying...

Stomach soured

You don’t know

If they ever clean their fryer

Stranger’s hair plug

Your sandwich acquired

Breaded chicken fingers

Earn your ire

Food chart is facing right side up

But quite misleading

“Budget cuts”

Between the forces of lunch and cost

There aren’t ample nutrients

For lunch

You pay for food

Served by this school

For lunch:

“Meat” parts

And cold gruel

For lunch

Dismayed we queue

To eat at school

For “Meat” parts

And cold gruel

TRACK 6

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

THE FRY

PARODY OF THE FLY

It’s no secret that beef tallow

Is in a McDonald’s fry

It’s no secret that they make

For the perfect side

They say the salt content

Is sometimes eclipsed by a soup

You know I don’t really care

When you pick on my food

It’s no secret that girlfriends

Will eat all of our fries

It’s no secret that a fryer

Will instantly calorize

They say the secret to something

Is an oil immersion

So just fry me something

Child...

(Fat Lady: Lunch, we dine undiscerning

For all the acrylamides...tonight!)

A man will beg

A man will crawl

For the sheer taste of lunch

Like a fry in a stall

It's no secret at all

It’s no secret being health conscious

Can sometimes be a pest

It’s no secret that nutrition

Really needs to be addressed

Every calorie must be crucial

Every fat gram causes grief

All this to prevent operations

And XXXL briefs...

Oh, my!

(Fat Lady: Lunch, we dine undiscerning

For all the acrylamides...tonight!)

A man will beg

A man will crawl

For the sheer taste of lunch

Like a fry in a stall

It's no secret at all

It’s no secret that a salad bar

Is where you will eat right

Your cholesterol exploding

Cuz of a diet of fries

Look, I gotta eat...

Yeah, my blood sugar’s getting low

All this talk of food

Is making me crave potatoes

TRACK 7

SINGLE RELEASED OCTOBER 1991

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

MYSTERIOUS

GLAZE

PARODY OF MYSTERIOUS WAYS

Johnny likes a chockful of sprinkles strewn

On his donuts that he’ll daily consume

He’s been putting on the pounds

Eating out of hand

He’s starting to weigh more than a baby grand

Watch out!

It’s drippy...

Golden brown...

A new confection the baker brings round

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

It’s got a mysterious glaze!

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

It’s got a mysterious glaze!

Johnny takes a bite and the sugar hits his brain

He starts talking as if he was on cocaine

One munch and he feels

His blood has congealed

Says if you want to get a high

This stuff is more than ideal

(Want diabetes, boy?!)

What he craves is something fried

I’m surprised that he hasn’t died

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

It’s got a mysterious glaze

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

It’s got a mysterious glaze!

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

He might pay when he loses his life…

One day...

A heart attack...

And he’ll be scared...

While being held...

At the ICU...

Learning...first hand...

There...he’s told...

As of this moment...

He’ll have to change things

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

It’s got a mysterious glaze

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

It’s got a mysterious glaze

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

Syrupy coating...mysterious glaze

What a sight, what a sight, what a sight!

What a sight when he loses his life!

TRACK 8

SINGLE RELEASED NOVEMBER 1991

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

TRYIN’ OUT

LUCKY CHARMS

AND FOUND

YOU’VE HURLED

PARODY OF TRYIN’ TO THROW YOUR ARMS

AROUND THE WORLD

Six o’clock in the morning

A sugar fix or you’re ornery

You’ve been tryin’ out Lucky Charms

And found you’ve hurled

Marshmallows like coloured chalk

Oat bits staler than soiled socks

You’ve been tryin’ out Lucky Charms

And found you’ve hurled

It’s gonna run through you...

Run through you...

Be illl

This crap that’s produced...

That’s produced...

By General Mills

Sucks ass like the band Creed

Your best shirt covered with the deed

You’ve been tryin’ out Lucky Charms

And found you’ve hurled

How much barf are you gonna blow

Before you’re only spitting foam?!

You’ve been tryin’ out Lucky Charms

And found you’ve hurled

It’s gonna run through you...

Run through you...

Looking quite illl

It’s gonna run through you...

Run through you...

Run through you

Making your will

It’s deemed it’s your folly

And then you heave another volley

You’re just lyin’ on the floor

And in a curl

While you’re lyin’ there fetal

On your ass it got medieval

Now you’re dyin’ from Lucky Charms

Your guts a swirl

It’s gonna run through you...

Run through you...

Bucket you fill

It’s gonna run through you...

Run through you...

Bucket don’t spill

Knee deep in your own sick mess

They sure ain’t magically delicious

Been tryin’ out Lucky Charms

And found you’ve hurled

This stuff should be banned

The drool has stopped to a trickle

Then you’re rising with alarm

You have to hurl!

It’s gonna run through you...

Run through you...

It’s gonna run through you...

Run through you...

Run through you

It’s gonna run through you...

Run through you...

Sorry, you’re ill

So ill...

Sorry, you’re ill

Take some Kytril™

TRACK 9

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

ULTRADIET

(LIGHTEN MY WEIGHT)

PARODY OF ULTRAVIOLET (LIGHT MY WAY)

Sometimes I feel like a dozen tacos

Sometimes I feel like chicken takeout

I wanna lose some pounds

Can’t always be strong

And lunch it comes around

Oh, sugar

Say goodbye

Oh, rinds

These pork ears are unwise

You know I need

To lose some pounds

And the weight is now marked

And I’ll right my wrongs

Meals not trash

I’ll make some cuisine

I’m just too fat

Can’t wait to be lean

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

No fries now!

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

You bury your burger

With just more beef ground

But your lunch is no secret

It’s really not sound

There is a science

That will help out a louse

To watch what he eats

I guess it’s the price of health

You know fast food ain’t cheap

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

Low fat now!

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

Oh, come on!

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

Low carb chow!

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

Ooooh!

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

I remember

When I passed those gallstones

Now we diet together

With rice cakes & groans

When I fessed up that I ate

A whole pizza in my bed

You looked like you wished that a bat

Was banging over my head

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

Oh, come on!

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight...yeah

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight...yeah

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

Baby, baby, baby

Lighten my weight

TRACK 10

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

MICROWAVE

PARODY OF ACROBAT

Don’t believe what I hear

Don’t believe what I see

I’m just totally surprised

You have my sympathy

When you first told me, girl

You had no microwave

Have you never wondered of

All the time it saves?

How can you live like this?!!

And you can defrost

Or you can heat

You can nuke it up

It’s pretty neat

And you can steam

Just steam up a lot

You know that it’s time

You came around

Don't get some bastard’s

Hand me down

No, use common sense

Here’s the place it would fit

It’s easy to install

There’s really nothing to it

And I wish you didn’t

Depend so much on your oven

Yeah, it drains so much energy

It leaves such a large carbon footprint

Think greener now!

To take a cup

To nuke it up

It won’t be slow

Just time it so

You must get a microwave

To cook like this

As fast as that

And you can steam

Steam up a lot

Don't get some bastard’s

Hand me down

Oh, change hurts, baby

I know that old habits

Are never easy to shed

A new appliance in the house

And a manual to be read…

And you must get

A microwave

To cook like this

As fast as that

It uses beams

That are never hot

And you will find

What the fuss is all about

And then you will

Lower your bill

With something small

Your wait is next to nil

And in a flash

You’ll melt your cheese

Soon you’ll begin

To reheat Chinese

And you will love

You know that it’s time

You came around

Don't get some bastard’s

Hand me down

TRACK 11

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

LUNCH

IS MINDLESS

PARODY OF LOVE IS BLINDNESS

Lunch is mindless

I just want to eat

Made this wrap last night

Before sleep

Add Poptart

Lunch is mindless

In a parked car

In the driver’s seat

You eat your lunch

In quiet peace

Bread is crumbling

Store-bought Coke sipping

Lunch is mindless

Lunch is clockwork

And so dull

Figure you’d eat out after all

Take out the wallet

Will they take debit?

Lunch is mindless

I just want to eat

I’ve a wrap I made

With some cheese

Ugh...my lunch

Lunch is mindless

A little peace

Without talking

No calls

You’ve fair warning

Lady, don’t get ideas

And start some nonsense

Lunch is over

You had Taco Bell

All the toppings

And no Tums they sell

Makes you runny...funny

Mindless

Lunch is mindless

I just want to eat

Will make a wrap tonight

Before sleep

Oh, my god

Mindless

TRACK 12

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

RESET