ALL THAT YOU CAN'T EAT LEAVE BEHIND

ALL THAT

YOU CAN’T EAT

LEAVE BEHIND

PARODY OF ALL THAT YOU CAN’T LEAVE BEHIND

BOUNTIFUL TRAY

STUCK JAR OF CONTENTS

YOU CAN’T GET LID OFF

MASTICATION

WOK ON

BITE

IN A CHECKOUT AISLE

MILD HOT HONEY

PIZZA BERTH™

WHEN YOU COOK ALL WILL HURL

CHOOSE PORK

GREASE

OCTOBER 2000

BOUNTIFUL TRAY

PARODY OF BEAUTIFUL DAY

A la carte just won’t do

Shoot down the options around

There’s no hope

No brunch served in this town

You’re soon in luck

You find a place

You’ve never seen before

A buffet for 12 bucks?

Maybe you won’t hunger anymore!

You thought you’d call a friend

To meet you here at this place

Someone that you could eat a meal with

If she makes haste

It’s a bountiful tray

A free-for-all

You see that it’s a bountiful tray

Don’t let it go to waste!

You were on the road

There was no hesitation

When the light turned red

This captured your imagination

You love this stuff

Even for someone that doesn’t like soup

You’ve been all over

And it’ll soon be inside of you

It’s a bountiful tray

A free-for-all

You see that it’s a bountiful tray

There’s so much you can taste!

Pinch me

Never mind any other place

Fill me

I’ll take a Pepcid just in case!

See a world of vegetables, greens & fruits

See Chinese food right in front of you

See Scalloped Potatoes, Chicken Tetrazini

See the pasta

There’s even Mac & Cheese

See the Tuna Salad

Desserts at the right

See the Dijon Pork Loins with Confetti Rice

See Barbequed Birds with Buttered Sprouts

After this lineup

All new trays come out

It’s a bountiful tray

Let’s fill our plates with haste

It’s a bountiful tray

Pinch me

Never mind any other place

Fill me

I just came here to stuff my face!

What they don’t have you don’t need it now

What they do serve you’ll eat it somehow

What they don’t have you don’t need it now

Don’t need it now

Was a bountiful tray

TRACK 1

SINGLE RELEASED OCTOBER 2000

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

STUCK JAR OF

CONTENTS YOU

CAN’T GET LID OFF

PARODY OF STUCK IN A MOMENT

YOU CAN’T GET OUT OF

I can open almost anything in this world

There’s nothing that I can’t unjam free

Or that I have found too hard

But I’m prying to find I’m in a parody

This long struggle puts my ego in agony

I never thought that I’d be schooled

But damn!

This won’t unscrew!

I’ve been at this

For an hour straight

Using all my weight

Those ears are gonna

Hear me swear, baby

I’ve got to pull myself together

This jar’s stuck with these contents

And the lid won’t come off

Don’t laugh cuz you’re making me bitter

Ain’t got no luck with these contents

Cuz the lid won’t come off

I will not forsake

The dollar for this thing

All my might was used

But nothing works

I’m left now with nothing

I am still undaunted

By the fight that’s fought by me

All this just for pickle spears

But it’s a prize I can eat

And you are such a tool

For laughing at me, too

You know it’s tough

And no force seems like enough

Oh, why...

Can’t I just get this open now?!

Why, oh why?!!

I’ve got to pull myself together

This jar’s stuck with these contents

And the lid won’t come off

Oh great, look at me now

Ain’t got no luck with these contents

Cuz the lid won’t come off

I’m all self-conscious I could weep

This bastard I’ll harm

When I throw it 50 feet

Iron pumping down at the gym hall

If word gets around

That I can’t open this at all!

I’ve got to pull myself together

This jar’s stuck with these contents

And the lid won’t come off

Don’t laugh cuz you’re making me bitter

Ain’t got no luck with these contents

Cuz the lid won’t come off

And if the fight’s not over

And if the die is cast

And if this lid won’t alter

I’ll just break this glass

And if the fight’s not over

And if the die is cast

And if this lid won’t alter

I’ll just break this glass

I’ll get those contents...

You bet your ass

TRACK 2

SINGLE RELEASED JANUARY 2001

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

MASTICATION

PARODY OF ELEVATION

Bite

Bite into the bun

Chew into that gum

I need you to masticate it here

What you put across your lips

From jerky

To chicken strips

Even Nibs

You masticate it so

Use your jaw

Show self control

If you try to swallow whole

Going down

Suffocation

Try, oh, try

To keep it under size

Or I fear that

You’ll just up and die

Oh, my!

Mastication!

A Mars

Any chocolate bar

You’ll jam it in your mouth

Maybe you can

Give those teeth a grind

Make your mouth

A mixing bowl

Like a warrior eaten by a troll

The goal is mastication

A hole

Into which I would extoll

Not cramming things in whole

Going down

Suffocation

Try, oh, try

To keep it under size

Or you’ll cut off

Your air supply

Abide!

Mastication!

Stop eating

Without giving it a few chews

Would keep your face

From turning blue

And require rescue

Asshole

Listen

I’m not being droll

I’m not here to just cajole

Like a clown

Edumacation

Try, oh, try

To keep it under size

Don’t want to have

To say goodbye

Comply!

Mastication!

TRACK 3

SINGLE RELEASED JUNE 2001

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

WOK ON

PARODY OF WALK ON

You love the food at Buffet King

But no doggy bags that you can bring

You love the food at Buffet King

But no doggy bags that you can bring

Leaving ‘all that you can eat’ behind

And if you possess a wok

That would be a start

And if you just might

Happen to have some soya sauce

And if there are vegetables to hack

But if pork, beef, or chicken you lack

Ah, so...use prawns!

Wok on

What you got we can heat it

Add some rice and then eat it

Wok on

Stir fry tonight...

You’re losing your taste

For a place called Buffet King

A place where once upon a time

You were always seen

The menus are thrown away

A cooking nerd learns a new adage

You will only fry...

Only fry...

For freedom!

Wok on

One I bought and rely on it

You’ll like it so try it

Wok on

So?

Stir fry tonight?!

No more stomach aches

And for your wallet’s sake

It could only take so much

Wok on

Home

Before you get dinner started

Go pick up some wontons

Home

You can’t say how much you’ve saved

By just eating here at home

Bid goodbye, Take Out Biz!

All the things it makes

You can even broil your steaks

What pan or pot

Can do so much?!!

Wok on!

Heave it inside!

You can just heave it inside!!!

All that you’ve rationed

All that you’ve baked

All that you’ve grilled

All that ground steak

All those fruits measured

All those lemon peels

All that you can heave inside

All those dry raisins

Is that a lime?

What’s that right there?!

Is that leftover cheese rind?

All that you see

All you can spare

All that will steam

We can heat it up

All of those beans

All you can grate

And whatever the heck

Is on that plate!

TRACK 4

SINGLE RELEASED FEBRUARY 2001

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

BITE

PARODY OF KITE

Stomach is about to give

I can feel it coming

I think I know what caused this

I’ve a grenade inside

I’m a shade sensitive

And though I try to hold back

I cope but feel the acid

‘Cuz nausea

It sets in

I need some antacids

For the dinner within

I think I might blow

And I fear I can’t hold back anymore

I think I might blow

And you’ll find me here

At the toilet stall

I’m okay

I’ll be fine once I spew

I’m okay

Gimme a moment or two

Got to go cuz I’m gonna blow

Got to go now that the time

Has come around

Man...

I feel like I’m gonna die

I guess this is from the stir fry

A bummer

I can’t taste salty foods when I eat

Had a bite knowing I’ve Acid Reflux Disease

No wonder what’s gonna happen real soon

No wonder shit just happens to me

In the can

Be here a while

Goddamn!

I cede that Tarot Reader was right!

I’m okay

I’ll be fine once I spew

I’m okay

Gimme a moment or two

Got to go cuz I’m gonna blow

Got to go now that the time

Has come around

Man...

I feel like I’m gonna die

I guess

This is from that stir fry

Can still taste it

Sick so much

It feels like I’m wasted

Could use a breath mint

Must stop any bad scents

The last of your chocolate bar

A cough drop or a cigar

In due time

I’ll get diarrhea

Oh, viva la vida

Just great...

Viva la vida

TRACK 5

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

IN A CHECKOUT AISLE

PARODY OF IN A LITTLE WHILE

In a checkout aisle

Surely there’s a line

In a checkout aisle I will stare

In a checkout aisle

Won’t hurt to get some s’mores

For the road, love

When you might have some bad breath

A pack of Certs will be there

Or some Halls...

Or a pocket comb...

Or some gummy bears

In a checkout aisle

Bags of Doritos™ with Nacho Cheese

Friday night slumming

At the Safeway™ with trainees

This girl...

She’s...nine?

Well, I’m almost convinced

Convinced she was

A little girl

In teen disguise

When one asked her

Price of Spam™ he planned to buy

Man, she shoulda known

Well, that tin stays

In the checkout aisle

Roll down your shopping cart...

A man redeems today and buys

He has a coupon clipped for just that size

A big candy bar with chocolate that’s white

Drinks are on sale

So he picks up a Sprite™

Man, come on!

Now come on!

Let’s all move on!

Roll down your shopping cart

Quickly...quickly now

Roll down your shopping cart

Quickly...quickly now

Roll down your shopping cart

Quickly...quickly NOW!

TRACK 6

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

MILD/HONEY

PARODY OF WILD HONEY

For today

We offer all the wings you can eat

We can dunk these:

Garlic honey

Or a warmth that’s teased

We would baste

We would baste our great chicken

We would baste

Right through the skin

You could order what you please

Mild/honey

And if you do share

There’s a fee

Mild/honey

Did I show you?

Did I show you even then?

Before you balk this time

Before your mind was made

Some get schooled, son

Order it ‘sweltered’

Order it ‘sweltered’ just a shade

Yes, we offer teriyaki

Mild/honey

You can order what you please

Mild/honey

Yeah, let’s throw in some iced tea

Mild/honey

Mild...?

Mild...

I'm still handing

I'm still handing fare left to eat

Are you still growing piles

With everyone shamed around you?

I tend for hours

Put hours at your stall

I know your stomach’s full

But you’re not human at all

If you do dare

Go with heat

Mild/honey

Don’t you take heat

Take heat, jeez?

Mild/honey

Yeah, bringing you all these

Mild/honey

Mild...?

Mild...

TRACK 7

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

PIZZA BERTH™

PARODY OF PEACE ON EARTH

Pizza Berth™

Let’s go there now

I’m sick of all these food courts around

Sick of Sbarro’s

Sick of the chains

I’m sick of eating there again and again

So this time let’s go to

Pizza Berth™

When I threw up after eating sushi

That lunch special that I wolfed down’s

The last time I eat Japanese

So I hear it’s just half a block

And you’re welcome to concur

And if you concur we will take you

And it’s really not that far

And you can use your debit card

I can assert

Jesus!

We don’t have much time!

Got 20 minutes left to dine!

Pizza Berth™

A slice or two I like the sound

Although I gotta watch those pounds

Pizza Berth™

No burgers, fries

Temps my eyes nor satisfies

Like Pizza Berth™

I hunger for a slice of pie

But this mall yields no surprise

There is a dearth

Pizza Berth™

Check those toppings out

There’s a good ratio

All the folks I’m told rave on

About the dough

Prawns and sausages

Chicken, ham and feta

Their sauce is better

Than any pizzeria!

Jesus!

We don’t have much time!

Got 10 minutes left to dine!

Pizza Berth™

A slice or two I like the sound

Though I gotta watch those pounds

Pizza Berth™

Jesus!

I wish I weren’t so broke!

I’d order up a large Coke

Pizza Berth™

Man, we’re almost out of time

But this food is just so damn sublime

Pizza Berth™

Straight to my girth

Pizza Berth™

TRACK 8

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

WHEN YOU COOK

ALL WILL HURL

PARODY OF WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE WORLD

When you cook all will hurl

What new atrocity?

People get food poisoning

Or someone’s heart will seize

I eat with concession

Not sure this is stew

I range from insincere

To “this schlock

Will spell our doom!”

So I’ll die just to please you

Try to eat it and turn blue

But without skills

It’s just poo

Like Chef Boy-ar-dee

When you cook all will hurl

When one bite costs us our pulses

And we’re dying in one big sweep

When you’ve wrought evil

So extensive

Gives even Death the creeps

When there's all kinds of pathos

And everyone is talking shame

You don't even think now do you

We’re having cooked briquet

So I’ll die just to please you

Try to eat this awful goo

But we’ll be ill real damn soon

Life ending ‘cuisine’

When you cook all will hurl

Won’t temp fate any longer

Couldn’t taste any wronger

Won’t temp fate any longer

I think we should flee

When you cook all will hurl

I’m in the dining room

Kitchen full of smoke

I think that you

And your recipe book

Will make all of us choke

Help me

I’m begging, please

Help me

Don’t torture me

TRACK 9

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

CHEW PORK

PARODY OF NEW YORK

You’ll chew pork with some onions

And way too many oysters

You’ll chew pork even with a friend

Who must make all kosher choices

Choices without bones

Choices at home

Choices for that roast smell

Choices that would braise well

You’ll chew pork

You always seem to chew pork

You’ll chew pork served real hot

Man, you could eat a hundred

You can’t resist a nice ham hock

Got a bag of Pepperoni

Hog’s so good

You’ll fill your face

Hog’s so good

Nothing ever goes to waste

Chew pork

You’ve always got a taste

To chew pork

Chew pork

You’ll chew pork even if you get

A really bad health bill

Doctor tells you,

“No more bacon!”

But it’s down to Porkchopville

Chew pork

A deli you’ve been coming to for years

Feel like they know your face

They got some Hereford

Saddleback

Yorkshire

Wild Boar

They even got Potbelly

Tenderloin end

Skirt & back ribs

Ham centre cut

Even side rips

For a stew

They’ll happily serve me and you

Beef is where it’ll cost you

Chew pork

At baseball parks they got it all

To feed your porcine vices

While they might not have pickled snout

Still it’s all desirous

The air is juicy, thick & rife

With that smell of grilled hog

So you’ll advance sometime this life

In the queue for a hotdog

You got enough to get a beer for that thirst

But you really want a bratwurst

You’ll chew pork

Chew pork

In the illness that you’re feeling

When Trichinosis has its way

You hear a voice whimpering

You’re hungry now

Chew pork

TRACK 10

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

GREASE

PARODY OF GRACE

Grease

It’s my one shame

Makes food un-lame

Clogged up my veins

And heart attacks came

Grease

From the Sandwich of Earl

To the land of Scots

Who’s Fried Mars made my world

But now I must watch what I eat

Must stay clear of wings

Grease brings goodness

To everything

Grease

So how long, Doc?

I’m not just asking ad hoc

Are my arteries blocked?

Will you prescribe some pharma?

Pharma?

Will you prescribe some pharma?

When heart disease lurks

Your ass is in a sling

Grease seems to be

In everything

Grease

Calories go straight to my hips

No being strapped to an IV drip

No stops or skips between EKG blips

I’m worried my world’s in crappy condition

And since I’ve shirked

My damn addiction

What’s left is stark

My hunger clings

Because grease is duly cut

From everything

Grease is duly cut

From everything

Grease brings goodness

To everything

TRACK 11

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU

MUSIC BY UCHEW

RESET