SONGS OF DINNER SENSE

SONGS OF

DINNER SENSE

PARODY OF SONGS OF INNOCENCE

THE LUNCHABLES (OF JOEY MALONE)

EVERY BAKING CRAVE

CALL RANGER SMITH

(IS THERE NO END TO LUNCH)

TONGS FOR SOMEONE

CITRUS (HOLD MY NOSE)

POTATO

PRAISED MY LOAVES

CIDER WOULD FLOW

EAT LIKE YOU’RE 80 TONIGHT

THIS IS WHERE YOU CAN

EAT DOG CHOW

MCDOUBLES

SEPTEMBER 2014

The album that triggered millions of people because they're too dumb to grasp the concept of default settings, SONGS OF DINNER SENSE was given free to millions of Apple fans' accounts and would download if their settings were set to automatic download. Attention whore and insanity aficionado Kool-Aid O'Connor called it terrorism. But it was to be the first of twin albums detailing the band's history with food. Karen Magazine called it 'a smorgasbord of food-related songs that showed up on my phone one day and I ran over the neighbour's dog in fury, as now my phone was full and I could no longer take road rage selfies until I cleared some storage space'. Lead single The Lunchables (Of Joey Malone) was featured in Apple spots, much to the chagrin of triggered dumbshits everywhere. Bonneeau tried introducing a new character: Vince, who wore eyeshadow and strutted like Tobey Maguire in Spiderman 3. It was not well received either.
The album is also notable for Bonneeau telling The Wedge that he wanted most of the songs on the album re-recorded acoustically a week before release, leading to a further loss of hair for the typically-stoical guitarist.

THE LUNCHABLES

(OF JOEY MALONE)

PARODY OF THE MIRACLE (OF JOEY RAMONE)

I was facing down a day austere

Facing down a per diem

That had disappeared

I was aching but had no money here

A voice came from a nerd

He was taken to inform to me

Granted a part of his lunch that I should be

Yeah, I wanted to deny I was in need

Despite my poise stomach asserts

I was young and glum

From hunger unrequited

But food came through

And we were fast friends from that day

I'm stoked with enjoyment

When a Lunchables' procured

Spurred along by goodwill sense

A twist unfurled

Everyone who dares accost

My new friend will be spurned

Now that my belly's full

All thanks to this nerd

I was famished but this did rejuvenate

A smidgen of luck improved my gait

He was

And I don't exaggerate

Humane

“Hero!” I proclaimed!

I was young and glum

From hunger unrequited

But food came through

And we were fast friends from that day

I'm stoked with enjoyment

When a Lunchables' procured

Spurred along by goodwill sense

A twist unfurled

Everyone who dares accost

My new friend will be spurned

Now that my belly's full

All thanks to this nerd

He says, "here's food...here's food!"

He says, "here's food..."

He says, "here's food...here's food!"

I'm stoked with enjoyment

When a Lunchables' procured

I love these packaged things

They're like Hors d'oeuvres

Everyone who dares accost

My new friend will be spurned

Now that my belly's full

All thanks to this nerd

Rejoicing in a nerd

TRACK 1

SINGLE RELEASED SEPTEMBER 2014

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

EVERY

BAKING CRAVE

PARODY OF EVERY BREAKING WAVE

Every baking crave

Can't ignore

Smell of hot buns

Makes me make more

And every baker knows

There's no use

Putting spatulas back

In their drawers

Oven used in excess

I'm a freak who makes endless scones

I never feel relief

Till I'm seized by the muse

And I'm right in the zone

The zone

If there's dough

If there's dough no way I can decline

Can't forego

Can't forego recipes untried

Baby, every cake that I heat

Goes right to my waist once I eat

I have ready yet one more baked treat

Can't stop making

Every baking crave

Every one of my clothes

You can see there is flour

I guarantee every mixing bowl

Know where it is

I live to bake frivolously

I thought I heard say, "you have a choice"

Dude, it's hard

When muffins my soul'll beseech

Cuz every baking crave

Heart implores

All these fig bars have apricot/peach!

If there's dough

If there's dough no way I can decline

Can't forego

Can't forego recipes untried

Baby, every cake that I heat

Goes right to my waist once I eat

I have ready yet one more baked treat

Can't stop making

Every baking crave

Agree to install some locks

To my cabinets and bins

Tell you where the flour is

Even hand you my rolling pin

But know much to your chagrin

That it will end with me breaking in

With me breaking in

TRACK 2

SINGLE RELEASED DECEMBER 2014

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

CALL RANGER SMITH

(IS THERE NO END

TO LUNCH)

PARODY OF CALIFORNIA

(IS THERE NO END TO LOVE)

Ba-Ba-Barbera, Hanna Barbera

Call Ranger Smith

Yogi smells something he'd like to eat

Heads straight here

In a flash of brown

Smells travel through trees

Beware of Yogi

Disappeared

Picnic basket

Snatching your pies

So, yeah, maybe

Call Ranger Smith

You thought bears would never come

But he did like he always does

Ranger shows

And he tells that damn bear "NO!

Is there no end to lunch?!"

He doesn't care, dude

Words can't scare that bear away

Every chance he gets

Flash of brown

You're gonna be light for dinner

He just can't be swayed

"Hey there, Boo Boo!"

Says the sinner

Watching those pies

And thinking 'maybe'

Call Ranger Smith

Stuffed picnic basket:

Things he's gonna seize

He can't help himself

Can't transcend a thief

That's how it goes

Ranger shows

And he tells that bear "LIE LOW!

Is there no end to lunch?!

Why is there no

Yeah, is there no end to lunch?!!"

Called, he shows up

And pleads once more

"Is there no...

Yeah, is there no end to lunch?!!"

Ba-Ba-Barbera, Hanna

Is there no end to lunch?!

Ranger shows

And he tells that damn bear "NO!

Why is there no...

Yeah, is there no end to lunch?!!"

Hey, doncha know?

He's smarter than the average bear!

He's smarter

And has your stuff!

TRACK 3

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

TONGS FOR

SOMEONE

PARODY OF SONG FOR SOMEONE

Hands got a trace of urine or doody?

Pass on soap bars so you're unclean?

It's unwise due to health and safety

To use your hands and it's obscene

Please, don't hold that piece of veal

Touching with your grime

Don't you know how to fetch meals?

Don't get flu over these limes!

If there is a slight

Chance of a disease

And someone might hurl

Sue consequently

It's not for a lark

Best not left to doubt

The Health Code does cite

That these must come out

And these are some tongs

Some tongs for someone

These are some tongs

Some tongs for someone

You get meat

Without some consternation

Some consternation

That you can't shake

Mistakes can end

In my termination

Whatever the fare

Use these to take

You were told but heard

Nothing the first time

You were slow to hear

Or this could be just spite

If there is a slight

Chance of a disease

And someone might hurl

Sue consequently

It's not for a lark

Why these are about

Don't talk of 'your rights'

Use these or get out

And these are some tongs

Some tongs for someone

These are some tongs

Some tongs for someone

Yeah...yeah...yeah...yeah...

If you disobey you'll get ill

May get Hep C

If you disobey and make a fuss

You'll risk your safety

If you aren't that bright

Had a lobotomy

If you want to hurl your stomach empty

If hands full of piss

Health standards you flout

Well, you'll get a fight

I'll throw your ass out

TRACK 4

SINGLE RELEASED MAY 2015

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

CITRUS

(HOLD MY NOSE)

PARODY OF IRIS (HOLD ME NOW)

The bar that's on this flight

It now fills the aisle

But I suspect dilution

O.J. in that cart is not even tart

It's just a scam

Some sting in the skies

Earns a thousand jeers and my sneer

Some sting in the skies

Earns a thousand jeers

Hold my nose

Hold my nose to this 'job of snow'

Hold my nose

Like I'm someone that's disgusted so

Hold my nose

Con-artists who's thievery goes too far

For just a glass of Vitamin C

Citrus...

Once you feel scorn

You begin a mindset

Every reason to game and screw

Those in this jet

You're cheating us again

Hold my nose

Hold my nose to this 'job of snow'

Hold my nose

Like I'm someone that's disgusted so

Hold my nose

Con-artists who's thievery goes too far

For just a glass of Vitamin C

Citrus...

Don't think I’m bright?

Like I'd not know?!

Please reimburse

See through the bull I'm sold

You snookered me a grand

Some got seats for $502

And I went through

A full body scan machine

I'd scream, "gone too far!"

Citrus 'stand-in'?

I'm appalled

I should have gone with alcohol

Citrus included in our fares

I fear the juice just isn't there

Citrus handed to my hand

A rip-off drink while I've paid a grand

Citrus

That's neither concentrate or pure

Won't let this be

Citrus...

Screw yourselves

Go screw yourselves

I think that you

Should screw yourselves

Screw yourselves

Go screw yourselves

For trying to scam me

TRACK 5

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

POTATO

PARODY OF VOLCANO

The world is eating spuds tonight

From the earth you've been

Pryin' them since dawn

They're what you used to eat

But—for them—your taste is gone

You're out for a while

You're out until night

You're out in the grind

Seems you've been here

Since the dawn of creation

Po–ta–to

You don't wanna...

You don't wanna hoe

Po–ta–to

Something you regret you grow

Po–ta–to

You don't wanna...

You don't wanna hoe

These fries they no longer excite

They used to be your favourite food

Now they can go to hell

These tubers' gonna be eschewed

You're out for a while

You're out until night

You're out in the grind

Seems you've been here

Since the dawn of creation

Po–ta–to

You don't wanna...

You don't wanna hoe

Po–ta–to

Something you regret you grow

Po–ta–to

You don't wanna...

You don't wanna hoe

You're on a piece of ground

Digging for potatoes

This farm you own

Now you will bemoan

These things you've grown

You will bemoan and now...

“This job is the worst I know!

Gawd! This job is the worst I know!

This job is the worst I know!

Gawd! This job is the worst I know!”

Po–ta–to

You don't wanna...

You don't wanna hoe

Po–ta–to

Something you regret you grow

Po–ta–to

You don't wanna...

You don't wanna hoe

You're on a piece of ground

Digging for potatoes

TRACK 6

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

PRAISED

MY LOAVES

PARODY OF RAISED BY WOLVES

Face down on a plastic sheet

There's a man at the corner

Who will rule out victory

I've gone white, man

As we wait to see who will be crowned

Metal crash

A bowl fell with a dish

The Judge takes a look

And now I'm worried he did

5:30 on a Friday night

33 good people wait 'round

I won't achieve any score

Face down as I wallow in shame

There are some girls dyin' to hear their names

Everybody's just so anxious

Everybody's gonna toil and bawl

I won't achieve any score

Praised my loaves

Garnered some cheers

Praised my loaves

He had praised my loaves

Praised my loaves

Garnered some cheers and

I'm hoping 'Top Prize'

I'm winning here!

Boy, am I bothered

Crushed by the wait

If a loss I'll be ashen

But I'm outclassing I'm great

Blue Ribbon award

I'm gonna dominate with this bread

Judge in the house

Judge in the seat

The best cooks in the world

Are deluded in belief

Registration fee was $85 a head

Praised my loaves

Garnered some cheers

Praised my loaves

He had praised my loaves

Praised my loaves

Garnered some cheers and

I'm hoping 'Top Prize'

I'm winning here!

Winning?

Wild!

Winning?

Wild!

Winning?

Wild!

Winning?

Wild!

Winning?

Wild!

TRACK 7

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

CIDER

WOULD FLOW

PARODY OF CEDARWOOD ROAD

We are running a place stowed

With cider that is 'home brewed'

If you're looking for cider that's real

This is the stuff for you

Pasteurized at high degrees

And then served when it's done

Many awards it has won

Has won

Supplied, bottled and delivered

We can provide stuff

That's real top tier

Apples green and red and gold

You can imbibe room temp or cold

Made with pride from our orchards

Here the cider would

Cider would flow

Cheap stuff we don't unload

And apples we do screen

'Cause we never shirk our promises said

Our equipment are always clean

Top standards that we meet

Can't cede a legacy of unrivaled quality

We can't

Supplied, bottled and delivered

We can provide stuff that's real top tier

Apples green and red and gold

You can imbibe room temp or cold

Made with pride from our orchards

Here the cider would

Cider would flow

Our cider is potent

And full of zest

And your discerning tastes

We'll leave impressed

Apples falling from a tree

We'll add it to our golden sea

Apples grasping

Apples smashing

You'll enjoy

We guarantee

Some folks come to buy a case

Cuz it tastes of home

Cider would flow

A quart

Cool or frozen

A quart

Always potent...

Potent...

TRACK 8 4:26

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC by UCHEW

EAT LIKE YOU’RE

80 TONIGHT

PARODY OF SLEEP LIKE A BABY TONIGHT

Mourning pot roast

No grease nor sugar

Read about your dietitian’s orders

Go through dismay

Says the wife: "no butter!

Why don’t you suppress

That grim dolor

For aliveness?

Your sighs of dread

For blitheness?”

Makes no inroads

You’ve bolted for New Zealand air!

You're gonna eat

Like you're eighty tonight

Your regime:

Everything will be light

With sorrow

Dawns on you

That there'll be nothing fried

You're gonna eat

Like you're eighty tonight

Seems

That your body's a mess...

Teeming

With a bad virus that is...

Scheming

Where the doc says your plight

Will need healing

No, no...

You're gonna eat

Like you're eighty tonight

Your regime:

Everything will be light

With sorrow

Long for something fried

You're gonna eat

Like you're eighty tonight

Mope as you'll endure this

Eat steamed perch

That is tasteless

The food unappeals

The food is all plain

You're gonna eat

Like you're eighty tonight

Your regime:

Everything will be light

With sorrow

Long for something fried

You're gonna eat

Like you're eighty tonight

You're gonna eat

Like you're eighty tonight

Taste deferred

Nothing will excite

You reminisce of things

With more bite

You're gonna eat

Like you're eighty tonight

TRACK 9

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

THIS IS WHERE

YOU CAN EAT

DOG CHOW

PARODY OF THIS IS WHERE

YOU CAN REACH ME NOW

Worker, worker

You grind your life away

Complete surrender

And—without unions—kowtow

Worker, worker...

You're screwed

And only got yourself to blame

Worker...

This is where you can eat dog chow

You slum through this big rat race

Got a college degree

You're forced to compromise tonight

No meal—no groceries

Life plan always had something missing

Like how you should be making more pay

Life plan utterly lacked ambition

Here's bad news: you're broke today!

1, 2, 3, 4...got it tough!

Worker, worker...

You grind your life away

Complete surrender

And—without unions—kowtow

Worker, worker

You're screwed

And only got yourself to blame

Worker...

This is where you can eat dog chow

Having trouble to adjust

That your fridge is bare

You can feel your stomach churn

At dog food cans you stare

Just then dignity goes missing

It didn't happen if no one knows

You're thankful

For some kind of subsistence

You've only had to stoop so low

1, 2, 3, 4...got it tough!

Worker, worker...

You grind your life away

Complete surrender and

And—without unions—kowtow

Worker, worker

You're screwed

And only got yourself to blame

Worker...

This is where you can eat dog chow

You take a bite

You have your reasons

This is where you can eat dog chow

Just this one time

It's a real bummer

This is where you can eat dog chow

TRACK 10

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW

MCDOUBLES

PARODY OF THE TROUBLES

Somebody’s at a drive-thru window

Little by little you sobbed, eyes swole

Till someone's impulse is in control

You think it's greasier

You feed your hunger with McDoubles

Just McDoubles will do

And you think they're cheesier

Though they'll make you sick

Well, it's the only thing that'll ever do

You have no skill for survival

Doc says 'unhealthy'

And your health he'll deplore

You can live in denial

You can't eat McDoubles anymore

Somebody’s at a drive-thru window

Little by little you sobbed, eyes swole

Till someone's impulse is in control

You think it's meatier

Can't give up those McDoubles

But McDoubles are destroying you

Doc thinks a seizure

You're due for one real soon, you dope

Caused just by eating the way that you do

You have no skill for survival

Doc says 'unhealthy'

And your health he'll deplore

You can live in denial

You can't eat McDoubles anymore

Somebody’s at drive thru window

Little by little you sobbed, eyes swole

Till someone's impulse is in control

God knows you get wheezy

Talking 'out of shape' and 'varicose veins'

God knows you can't eat beef

"Forsaken", doc says

"I'm afraid your body's wasted

Your heart's inflamed!"

Somebody’s at a drive-thru window

Little by little you sobbed, eyes swole

Till someone's impulse is in control

TRACK 11

LYRICS BY BONNEEAU & THE WEDGE

MUSIC BY UCHEW
ADDITIONAL VOCALS BY LICKY LEWD

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