THE
AMACHA TEA
PARODY OF THE JOSHUA TREE
WHERE THE SEATS
HAVE KNOWN SHAME
I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND
WHAT I’M COOKING FOR
WITH OR WITHOUT AU JUS
GULLET THE BLUE PIE
RUNNING TO CANNED FILL
RED GRILL SHINING BROWN
IN GOD’S CURRANT TREE
RIP THROUGH YOUR FRYERS
JUAN, MEATFILL
CHEX MIX
BREWERS OF THE PERFECT BEER
MARCH 1987
THE AMACHA TEA became a monolithic, all-conquering slab of black rock playing Zach Sprach Zarathustra and dominating the rock airwaves in 1987 as UCHEW unleashed an assault of epic riffs, resoundingly universal lyrics, and widescreen cinematic aesthetics to colonize the musical landscape of the late 80s. Other bands took note like cavemen with drumsticks, approaching cautiously at the towering album casting such a shadow upon them all, inspiring them to become greater, more evolved.
Featuring such instant classics as WHERE THE SEATS HAVE KNOWN SHAME, WITH OR WITHOU AU JUS, and I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M COOKING FOR, this monster of an LP has been long considered one of the greatest food rock albums of all time.
WHERE THE SEATS HAVE KNOWN SHAME
PARODY OF WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME
I have the runs
I have the slides
I’ve torn my intestinal walls
And all my insides
I wanna eat out
Not shoot out flames
Where the seats have known shame
I want to feel
Relief on my face
I see horrors mist my rear
And with some haste
I wanna take Alka-Seltzer
For the noisome pain
Where the seats have known shame
Where the seats have known shame
Where the seats have known shame
This lil building
I’m burning down, love
Burning down, love
And though they’ll get theirs
I’ll get Air Rescued
Shit’s all I can do
The toilet’s aflood
I’m a piñata gone bust
I’ve been beaten
And a bomb thrown inside
Scrambled my guts
I’ve been to a place
That serves only pain
Where the seats have known shame
Where the seats have known shame
Where the seats have known shame
This lil building
I’m burning down, love
Burning down, love
And though they’ll get theirs
I’ll get Air Rescued
Shit’s all I can do
A bomb in my guts
I’ve been beaten
And a bomb thrown inside
Must be e. coli
Oh, and I see stuff
Stuff seep out my guts
I’ve been beaten
And a bomb thrown inside
Armed with e. coli
And when they get theirs
They’ll get theirs real soon
Shit’s all I can do!
TRACK 1
SINGLE RELEASED AUGUST 1987
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND WHAT I’M COOKING FOR
PARODY OF I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND
WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR
I have climbed the highest mounting
I have run through the meals
Only to eat cashews
Only to eat cashews
I have shunned
I have stalled
I have inhaled these puffed cheeseballs
Only to be eschewed
But I still haven't found what I'm cooking for
But I still haven't found what I'm cooking for
I have fisted honey chips
Felt the feeling as my hunger grips
It spurned fridge entire
Discerning desire
I have smoked up a ton of Sour Diesel
I have held my hand on the pestle
I brainstormed in the night
I console with a scone
But I still haven't found what I'm cooking for
But I still haven't found what I'm cooking for
I relieve with a single plum
When all the flavours
Will feed indecision
Feed indecision, now
So, yes, I’m still shunning
I soaked your fronds
And I loosened plantains
Ferried fudge sauce to my frame
To my frame
You know I should leave it
But I still haven't found what I'm cooking for
But I still haven't found what I'm cooking for
But I still haven't found what I'm cooking for
But I still haven't found what I'm cooking for
TRACK 2
SINGLE RELEASED MAY 1987
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
WITH OR WITHOUT
AU JUS
PARODY OF WITH OR WITHOUT YOU
See the plates set before ours eyes
See the sandwich with no side
I ask for Au Jus
Raise of hand and scene create
On a snail’s pace he makes us wait
And I wait
Without Au Jus
With or without Au Jus
With or without Au Jus
Through the meal we are ignored
You eat it all but I wait some more
And I’m waiting
For Au Jus
With or without Au Jus
With or without Au Jus
I can’t eat
Roast beef without Au Jus
And he’ll say it’s on its way
And he’ll say it’s on its way
And he’ll say
And he’ll say
And he’ll say it’s on its way
The waiter lied
What is the use
He’s got me with nothing
But dry meat
And nothing left to do
And he’ll say it’s on its way
And he’ll say it’s on its way
And he’ll say
And he’ll say
And he’ll say it’s on its way
With or without Au Jus
With or without Au Jus
I can’t eat
Roast beef without Au Jus
With or without Au Jus
With or without Au Jus
I can’t eat
Roast beef without Au Jus
Roast beef without Au Jus
TRACK 3
SINGLE RELEASED MARCH 1987
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
GULLET
THE BLUE PIE
PARODY OF BULLET THE BLUE SKY
In the empty kitchen
Comes a starving child
See him follow a trail
From his nose
Right to a fresh baked pie
As if second sight
A red serving bowl
See his face now smeared
Running away
Before his mother knows
Pie
Gullet the blue pie
Gullet the blue pie
Gullet the blue...
Gullet the blue...
Ah…ah…
A bratty sibling
Becomes a tattling son
Lil’ Rob wrestled with morals
And his morals were overcome
You can’t just take a pie
Or you raise a mother’s ire
Saw him taking chances
Saw the stakes
Get higher and higher
Pie
Gullet the blue pie
Gullet the blue pie
Gullet the blue...
Gullet the blue...
Ah…ah…
So his mom comes up to him
His face red
Like a clown nose on a coke rush
Like all the soreness
Of a well spanked tush
And she’s peeling off his Dungarees
Slappin’ his ass
One Mississippi...
Two Mississippi...
And now he can’t play those video games
And now he can’t play those video games
Grounded
He’s now punished for a whole week
At 7:30
He’s now required to go to sleep
He walks away
And stomps the floor
His mom asks him
If he’d like some more
As the boy seethes
And begins to moan
Through the walls
You can hear his mommy groan
Inside it’s a mother’s dilemma
Inside it’s a mother’s dilemma
Across the world
You hear stories so often
Feel the pain
When mothers tear ‘em a new one
Pounding on the wayward children
Pounding on the wayward children
Who dare…
To eat mom’s…
Blueberry pie
TRACK 4
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
RUNNING
TO CANNED FILL
PARODY OF RUNNING TO STAND STILL
And so I cooked up
Cooked up some fare but was lacking fill
Said, "I gotta use something
A sauce that can go in"
Prepped up something plain
Pepped up this Quiche Lorraine
Maybe run to the corner store
In the night
Buying, ah...
Hol lal lal landaise
Hol lal lal landaise
Heat a tin
Bitter the taste that comes out
I need Sweet & Sour
But some chickpeas?
Do without!
I've got this pie without filling
Stock we've failed upkeeping
Cream that is Hobson's Choice
You know I took a coupon
From a coupon scheme
Then I bolted out of here
Buying
Hol lal lal landaise
Hol lal lal landaise
Flummoxed that my treats
Aren't comprised with a shred
Of some blackberries
I took out and had drained
In yogurt parfait I bring
In light golden swirls
Stirred in canned peach
I am gauging
I am gauging
Should this corn go in Shepherd Pies?
There's some stuff that I need now chilled
I am running to canned fill
TRACK 5
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
RED GRILL
SHINING BROWN
PARODY OF RED HILL MINING TOWN
From bothered to stunned
The hood's missing
See places rust set in
To my chagrin
Esteem is shit
Charcoal pan's cracked
The shine’s all gone
There's no warming rack
Though stainless steel
To rust it's prone
Lower wire tray
Has come and gone
Yeah, it grieves me holding on
This red grill's gone
See the lights go down
I'm haranguing on
There’s nothing left to hold on to
I’m still weighting
Haranguing on
There’s nothing left to hold on to
The chassis' shot
Base panel is nigh
Our grill got old in the garage in the back
Heat shield's disappeared
Casters’ torn out
There's no bottom shelf...
That I could live without
Yeah, it grieves me holding on
This red grill's gone
See the lights go down
I'm haranguing on
There’s nothing left to hold on to
I’m still weighting
Haranguing on
There’s nothing left to hold on to
It's caked with earth
No fire will supply
I'm stupid so new one I'll buy
I think it cost an insane sum
I'd hate to pay for a new one
A new one
I'll be blunt I'm riled
I'm haranguing on
There’s nothing left to hold on to
I’m still weighting
Haranguing on
There’s nothing left to hold on to
Lost...this grill stripped away
Lost...has seen its better day
Haranguing on
The lights go out on my grill
The lights go down on my grill
Lights go down on red grill
The lights go down on my grill
TRACK 6
SINGLE RELEASED MARCH 1987
2017 MIX RE-RELEASE APRIL 2017
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
IN GOD’S
CURRANT TREE
PARODY OF IN GOD’S COUNTRY
Yeah
Dessert pie
Dream to eat a dessert pie
Delivered one but soon one shy
I need new dreams tonight
Desserts posed
Dreamed I saw a dessert posed
Best adorned on Rippled Semifreddos
Like a godsend for balls of meat
Reap some like a drug
In God's currant tree
Had pies
Cooking sauces
In God's currant tree
Get me a light
We'll lunch on bowls
Right through the night
Every day ice cream supply
Recipe from my mother's side
It is good as tea
And it sometimes rescues meals
Copes tracts urinary
They've weight loss gifts
I'm told
Reap some like a drug
In God's currant tree
Had pies
Cooking sauces
In God's currant tree
Latin name
Offhand there's a latin name
A. canadensis says brain
Spurned by desire for lunch
Spurned by desire for lunch
For lunch
For lunch
TRACK 7
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
RIP THROUGH
YOUR FRYERS
PARODY OF TRIP THROUGH YOUR WIRES
Without assistance
I gnaw on another ’round
I was pigging out
I was pigging out
Filled with wings
Filled in vain
I send you back to get more chicken
Mouth enfolds on garlic honey
Mouth around wings worth the money
That smell
That smell I revel
I was hungry
And I smack my lips
Food...I’m aching for food
Food...food gets on attire
I rip through your fryers
I’m not choking
Mouth all agape
Could have made ‘em hotter just a shade
My lips don’t lie
Throat non-plussed
Want it to swelter from a heat that’s robust
Make ‘em hotter
Hot as hell
Make ‘em hotter...hotter!
That smell
That smell I revel
I was hungry
And I smack my lips
Food...I’m aching for food
Food...food gets on attire
I rip through your fryers
And I’ll feed...and I’ll feed
And I’ll feed...and I’ll feed
And I’ll feed...and I’ll feed
And I’ll feed
Hell, yeah!
Under...undercooked your chicken
I won’t be cowed by some e. coli
In this instance I gnaw on another round
I was pigging out
I was pigging out
TRACK 8
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
JUAN, MEATFILL
PARODY OF ONE TREE HILL
We churn away
To make the cold, raw meat fill
And we make ‘em
While we wear dirty gloves
The run so tight
They leave no workflow
With unfilled hours
Carving into flesh
Until someone gets hurt
A finger’s cut
And becomes Juan, Meat Fill
You’d think they’d come round
And stop the line
It bleeds like a river
It’s plain to see
It bleeds like a river
Into the meat
I’d love a world
That wouldn’t have us
In a viral zone
Where unions speak for us
Then strike for it
Saranwrap™ his wound
Then he’s fired
Now that his hand is gone
You know his blood still dyes
All that ground
It bled like a river
It’s plain to see
It bled like a river
Into the meat
I don’t believe
They use clean hoses
Or heed safety charts
While dollars pile on high
For the unethical
What we eat in the end
Is a finger that falls from a guy
From a room that has turned red
Over Juan, Meat Fill
It bled like a river
It’s plain to see
It bled like a river
Into the meat
It bears explaining
Explaining hard
Only when forced
Will they let us
Take these machines apart
Then the draining
The draining starts
Draining away the parts
Draining
Draining parts
Draining body parts
Full of disease
Oh, grate motion
Oh, grate skin
Bleed like an ocean
Bleed like a sea
TRACK 9
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
CHEX MIX
PARODY OF EXIT
You know he got the lure
You know he must obey
He used to not partake
To drive esteem in disarray
Undaunted
He’ll receive
A huge glycemic load
With bread sticks salted heavy
Pretzels!
Nuts!
Worcestershire, man!
Onion powder vying
With a token garlic ‘span’
Pats the growling within
Pats the growling within
He went deeper into sack
Peepers narrowed slight
He eats those bagel chips
Whining they’re curtailed outright
He keeps on eating...
Eating...
Eating...
Eating handfuls of
Like a beggar
Pining for some drug
One lands in his socket
Eye injured by cornmeal
General Mills’ ass levied
To lawyers he would squeal!
He keeps eating...
Eating...
Eating...
Eating...
’Til out of
‘Til out of...
‘Til out of...
‘Til out of...
‘Til out of...
See the vast landfill
Bags that won’t break down
No land’s rid of
TRACK 10
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW
BREWERS OF
THE PERFECT BEER
PARODY OF MOTHERS OF THE DISAPPEARED
Bud Light is more like water
Swill turned down, forsaken to us
Beer should replete
Real beer should replete
Bathtub gin’s not what we’re after
Those big chains can kiss our rears
Beer should replete
Real beer should replete
Birth pangs of a Pilsener
Fetched over corporate brew
Beer should replete
Real beer should replete
With true ease what fun to make it
No pub crawls
Our draught supply:
Artsy beer with alcohol
TRACK 11
LYRICS BY BONNEEAU
MUSIC BY UCHEW